A Letter to Broccolini (Written by Sila en Anor)

My dear Broccolini, You said in your letter that the Squash claim it was their ancestors that finally turned the tide in the Great War of the Foods. Do not listen to such lies! In truth it was our own ancestor, Broccoli the Great, that dealt the decisive blow of the War. But I will tell you the story from the beginning. In the kingdom of Home, there reigned the Queen named Mom. Mom loved the race of food called Healthy, the chief house of which was that called Vegetable. These loved their Queen and served her and her children, and all the little Princes and Princesses grew strong and healthy by the power of the Vegetables. That is, until the day when the greatest evil the Vegetables had ever seen snuck into Home. That’s right, Broccolini, it was the Junk Foods!!! Those monsters that cause every Veggie child to quake with fear! The Junk Foods stole into the kingdom, managing to avoid the notice of the Queen’s guards, and cast a magic spell on the Princes and Princesses! Every last one of them succumbed to the magic of the Junks, so that they loved only the Junks, and hated the very sight of the Vegetables. When the Queen realized that her lovely children had come under the spell of the Junks, she was dismayed, for the Junks made her fair children sick and weak. So she sought to counter their magic with spells of her own. Deftly working her enchantment, she clothed the Vegetables in sauces, hid them in casseroles, and nearly drowned them in soups. But it availed nothing – for the Junks’ magic was stronger and the children saw straight through the disguises. In disgust they murdered the Peas, the Carrots, the Asparagus. But of all the Vegetables, they despised the Beans the most. Black Beans, Green Beans, Lima Beans – they slaughtered them all. And not just the guy beans, but the girl beans and the baby beans too. They even destroyed the Bean Bags for merely carrying the same name as the Beans, and not one Bean Bag Chair has been seen in Home to this day. (They nearly killed the Cocoa Beans as well, but when they learned that these would grow up to become Chocolates, they relented, for the Chocolates were their favorite of all the Junks. Nevertheless, they banished the Cocoa Beans from Home, allowing them to return only when they had become full-grown Chocolates.) One Vegetable after another fell to the wrath of the children. Then the Queen at last found a magic potion that she thought might finally break the spell of the Junks. It was called Cheese. So she assembled those Vegetables that yet lived and asked, “Who will go for me to save their Princes and Princesses from the Junks’ evil spell?” But all the Vegetables were so frightened by the children that they refused to leave the safety of the Fridge. Then Broccoli alone of all the Vegetables summoned his courage and said, “I will go, for love of the Queen. And if my florets fall, then they fall.” So the Queen clothed Broccoli in the Cheese and sent him to her children. And through love of the Cheese the Princes and Princesses delighted in Broccoli, and the spell of the Junks fell from them. And when the evil of the Junks was unveiled to their eyes they drove every last one of them from the kingdom. So the Junks were defeated, and Broccoli held a place of honor in Home from that day on. Therefore you should be proud Broccolini, for yours is the greatest legacy that any Vegetable could hope for, and don’t ever let those egocentric Squash tell you otherwise. Your Aunt Broccoli