Viva la Bacon (Poem by Kyra Organa)

I donned my suit I prepared for war The bacon was ready And worse than before Hordes of small children Banged on the doors Hungry for bacon; The sick carnivores I ate my last meal And prepared for death I plotted my escape And took a deep breath I looked around My exits were blocked except for the back door, which luckily wasn’t locked I dashed away Leaving my dessert uneaten Deciding survival is better Than being beaten Angry screams Angry shouts Suddenly I had my doubts Fleeing away from the mob My heart was hammering My legs throbbed Lost In the darkness of night Then off in the distance I saw a faint light I stumbled towards The golden glow Then on the back of my head I felt a sharp blow Tackled to the ground Shoved in the dirt I was down The bacon was hurt Bound, beaten Escorted to be shamed “The bacon is captured!” They all proclaimed Suddenly, When they least expected it I shoved them aside And made a quick exit The rapid rushed Thud of my heartbeat Drowned out the steady thumping of my sore feet Two figures Chased me furiously Looking behind, I ran into a tree. They catch up I prepare for the end “It’s us,” they say “We’re your friends." A sigh of relief Escapes my lips At least I’m not alone in this apocalypse These small band or rebels Have founded the Bacon Revolution My plight of fleeing alone Has found a solution. The hungry horde Sees us and cries my name They seem to forget That this is just a game. We dash to our cabin To get a moment of rest My friends insist I change my bacon dress “No,” I stubbornly said A grin flickered cross my face “I’m going to win And survive this race.” They shot each other reluctant glances But then advised, “If you want to live, You’ll need a disguise.” A sinister smirk Tugged at my lips “I know a place” Is all that I quipped. We sneaked up to the cabin Where disguises were kept We peered left and right And in we crept A mountain of wigs, hats and gowns Enveloped the floor As we were trying on disguises We hear a faint roar “Bacon! Bacon! Have you seen the bacon?” We grabbed a wig And decided to run. Sticking the powdered white wig Upon my head We turned tail And fled. Sadly, the wig did not do what was wished For they still recognized the bacon And wanted me vanquished We flattened ourselves Against the wall “What do we do?” One nervously drawled We burst out laughing, Delusional from exhaustion “Who would’ve thought That this’ll be so fun!” A light bulb suddenly went off in my head “You can be the distraction!” I excitedly said “You girls run and yell Provoking things Direct them away from me As I take advantage of the opening.” They rushed in the opposite direction Insulting the mob’s skills The horde increased speed Narrowing in on the kill If I could break into the central cabin, I could show the bacon eaters That I was their superior, That I was their beater Tiptoeing towards the center of camp I spotted a lone parental sitting around the fire I sat on a bench to catch my breath, foolishly trusting this liar “What are you running from?” She smiled warmly, weaving her web of lies “The kids,” I laughed, “they want to eat me.” I caught an evil glint in her eyes “I found the bacon!” She screamed as loud as she could I shot her a dirty look as I heard the mob near And staggered into the woods The pursuit continued at full speed As I wished my friends were still by my side I saw my other friends and raced towards them “Please help me! Everyone is trying to commit bacon-cide!” They laughed and agreed to join my cause And mis-directed my perusers Allowing me the chance to escape From the bacon hungry creatures I staggered through the woods Tripping over logs Avoiding the beaten path For the mob was tracking me like hunting dogs I spotted the original Bacon Revolutionaries “You’re alive!” I cried Giving them a fierce embrace “Now, how do we get inside?” Suddenly we were interrupted By the shouts of blood-thirsty children It was not a time of words, It was a time of action Darting off in all directions With the faint hope of survival All the guards were distracted And didn’t notice my arrival Suddenly a swarm of kids Rounded the bend So I dived into the bushes And tried to blend They casually talked Unaware of my presence As I held my breath In complete silence “We saw her run past cabin two!” One girl screamed, running in the gateway not knowing how close I really was Leading everyone astray No one was there to witness the break-in So I crept up the stairs Dashed inside And hid under a chair. Enjoying the chance To breathe and rest I recollected all the moments I’ve avoided arrest “There she is!” Someone shouts I then realize my time ran out I dash out of the building Into the dark campsite Right into their trap much to their delight The revolutionaries were all captured Shoved to their knees No matter what they cried out The mob wouldn’t listen to their pleas Shoved down to the ground Stripped of my bacon I fell down Weak and beaten Caught for good, Gasping my final breaths “Viva la bacon…” And then comes death

Author's Note: This is based off of real events. No, this is REAL (minus some creative liberties, but I really was dressed as bacon, chased by small children, at one point formed a bacon revolution, and disguised myself with a Marie Antoinette wig ). I know it sounds crazy, but it’s true. The reason why this poem is released today is because it’s Valentine Day and what thing is more universal than the love of bacon.