Lark: Human, I want to celebrate my victory over Frankenstein
Me: You mean the lizard who played dead in my room over Christmas? Who I swatted with a broom for three hours?
Lark: Yes, the giant, six foot tall monster, whom I bravely saved you from.
Me: Sure... (laughs softly off hand) sure, sure Lark.
Lark: Hmm. I want a can of tuna for my feast.
Me: Not gonna happen. And It was a tiny baby lizard.
Lark: Next time I will leave it in your bed. Tiny? Really, well then why did you fall out of bed screaming like a wounded water elephant cat?
Me: a what?
Lark: I forgot about your 'tiny' human brain cannot handle such things as cat folk lore.
Me: cat's aren't technically 'folks' but...
Lark: THE POINT IS IM SAVED YOU FROM A MONSTER!!!!!!
Me: (thinking quietly, yes, you swatted him once then took a nap. then, you slept on while Mr. D came and picked him up and put him outside. ) Okay lark. How about instead, I give you some hairball treats.
Lark: TUNA! TUNA! (chanting) I will go catch another and leave it in your bed!
Me: How are you going to open the door if I don't do it for you?
Lark: I am a cat! doors are mere technicalities.
Me: Lark, please.
Lark: Ungrateful human!!!!!!! Frankenstein was a worthy opponent I defeated.
Me: (sighing in defeat) Fine, I'll see what I can do. (offhand, the things I do for my cat's pride. one day he'll want to be president. Of the world.) I'll go get a can opener.
Lark, proudly: Good. About time my orders were followed, I am a king after all. British short hair, descended from Marie antonette, British royalty.
Me: I always obey your orders, I have done it for three years
Lark: get the tuna.
Lark: Yes, the giant, six foot tall monster, whom I bravely saved you from.
Me: Sure... (laughs softly off hand) sure, sure Lark.
Lark: Hmm. I want a can of tuna for my feast.
Me: Not gonna happen. And It was a tiny baby lizard.
Lark: Next time I will leave it in your bed. Tiny? Really, well then why did you fall out of bed screaming like a wounded water elephant cat?
Me: a what?
Lark: I forgot about your 'tiny' human brain cannot handle such things as cat folk lore.
Me: cat's aren't technically 'folks' but...
Lark: THE POINT IS IM SAVED YOU FROM A MONSTER!!!!!!
Me: (thinking quietly, yes, you swatted him once then took a nap. then, you slept on while Mr. D came and picked him up and put him outside. ) Okay lark. How about instead, I give you some hairball treats.
Lark: TUNA! TUNA! (chanting) I will go catch another and leave it in your bed!
Me: How are you going to open the door if I don't do it for you?
Lark: I am a cat! doors are mere technicalities.
Me: Lark, please.
Lark: Ungrateful human!!!!!!! Frankenstein was a worthy opponent I defeated.
Me: (sighing in defeat) Fine, I'll see what I can do. (offhand, the things I do for my cat's pride. one day he'll want to be president. Of the world.) I'll go get a can opener.
Lark, proudly: Good. About time my orders were followed, I am a king after all. British short hair, descended from Marie antonette, British royalty.
Me: I always obey your orders, I have done it for three years
Lark: get the tuna.
YESSSSS! MORE LARK!!!!!!!!!!! This. Is. My. Life!!!! This is hilarious! If my cat had a voice, it would probably talk like this... well, good thing he doesn't. One of my favorite lines are:
ReplyDeleteI am a king after all. British short hair, descended from Marie antonette, British royalty.
The things I do for my cat's pride. one day he'll want to be president. Of the world.
Typo #1- I am a cat! doors are mere technicalities--doors should be capitalized
Typo #2-THE POINT IS IM SAVED YOU FROM A MONSTER!!!!!!--not sure if the "IM" is intentional or not
Typo #3-descended from Marie antonette,-- antonette should be capitalized
But besides these unintentional slip-ups, this is pure perfection. :)
Please write more, Al!
Yes, write more! :D
DeleteI loved this. :)
ReplyDeleteHaha, once again, I love the Lark Adventures
ReplyDeleteYay, another one! I really love this one. It's so hilarious and amusing. One of my cats is a tuxedo cat that's sort of fat, and he "talks" in meows 24/7. If he's happy, sad, whatever--A big ole' MEOW-MEOW! This reminds me of him, and if he could speak, he'd be like this... but while chugging down his favorite dry food. Lol.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, Al, I loved this piece, and it was really entertaining. It was so funny.
Al replied, "I love tuxedos, they are so dapper. I wrote that in fifteen minutes and did not have time to proof read. Usually I try not to make those mistakes. Thank you everyone for supporting Lark! He appreciates it. I think. Well, actually he's plotting right now, but I can still speak for him, so thank you! Cat's are very funny."
ReplyDeleteI'm sure Lark doesn't appreciate it, but his human probably does! :D
Delete